I love it when it rains.
The feel of the raindrops on my skin tells me I am loved.
It was like a movie.
Pause. Rewind. Play.
In slow motion, I see her lips move.
She’s talking mechanically.
And I listen.
Good news, is it?
Now, zoom in on me.
Watch as my lips drop into a frown.
I thought I heard wrong.
But it wasn’t an imagination that I could erase.
It was real.
Her words, her whispers.
The magic died on me.
And I felt empty.
I feel empty.
It clutched my heart like it’s not fragile.
Do you really?
Are you really?
I could not believe.
Are you okay?
Are you okay?
But I could not speak.
My eyes threatened to pour out the salty liquid that would hug my cheek.
Second by second by second, the force seemed to clutch my heart even tighter.
I could not breathe but I feel the air around me.
It seemed I could not do anything. To you. To me. To words.
Is it true?
My voice echoes.
One statement and my world fell apart.
Shattering like a glass. Like a lovely vase with thorned roses.
I could not continue.
How could I?
When your eyes yearn for someone else.
I stretch my arms and close my eyes.
I breathe in the nature’s scent, trees, dried leaves…oh, and those sweet sweet blossoming flowers.
I hear the breeze pass by me, feel it caressing my cheeks, brushing my skin.
And it holds my hair gently, dancing with it gracefully.
I could feel the soft grass beneath my feet, tickling it with its harmless blades.
I smile as I open my eyes.
My eyes glittered with delight at what I saw.
The scene is perfect.
Perfect for everything that I am feeling right now.
I ran past these bushes, stopping by the entrance of a maze.
The hedges are high and I feel like twirling inside.
I start my adventure, barefooted, walking and walking under the bright sunny sky.
There is light but there is also a haze that insists on blurring my vision.
I felt like Alice, a little girl having an adventure in Wonderland.
This maze has an unknown exit and I do not know where it would lead me.
But I still walk, slowly, bravely but not cautiously.
It was a risk I was willing to take.
Somehow, it felt like escaping.
Escaping from reality, saying ‘goodbye’ to the rain I call tears.
As I walk, I still could not help but wonder what this maze is hiding.
Would it lead me to a happy ending like those fairytales or movies I see?
Or would it lead me to a sad ending, a broken glass which could not be repaired?
I only hope that at the end of this adventure, I would see.
I imagine my own Wonderland lifting my spirits up, calming my heart.
A fountain in the middle, birds singing me a song and a warm welcoming breeze.
Different kinds of flowers coloring the place.
Lilies, daisies, violets…
And pure white roses would help my eyes shine.
Here, I would not feel sadness dominating me.
I would feel the sense of security.
Never doubting. Never lonely.
Keep off the grass! A lovely way to spend a Saturday with your friends.